My father was born in Stuttgart, Germany in 1937. Two years prior to World War II. He was born out of wedlock and his Mother Maria was disowned by her family. She was forced to leave her son for the first two years of his life with his Aunty and Uncle, until she could support him herself.  

My mother was born in 1941, in a small country town outside Melbourne. Her Father passed when she was nine years old, and her mother was bedridden for two years after his death. She was not able to cope and fell into a deep depression.

Both of my parents lived in a time when life was tough. You learnt to be tough. Chin up and soldier on or you did not survive. If not physically then emotionally.

My parents’ stories are filled with heartache, tragedy, hardship, and abandonment from their parents. In different ways but nonetheless painful from each other.

When my mother and father met, they were full of optimism, joy and faith that life would only get better. They courted and after dating for 12mths engaged and married 12 months later. My Mum was 18yrs old and my dad 23yrs.

Think back to that time. The only people who sort out emotional support where “nutters” - people who were weak and had something wrong with them. There was no avenue for emotional support. If you did seek out such a thing, you would more likely be institutionalised rather than supported.

Families did not air their dirty laundry for everyone to see, and family secrets were rife. Religion and Government was in control of how the family unit behaved. You were severely judged if you stepped outside of the confines of acceptable behaviour.

Think pregnancy before marriage, shot gun weddings and adoption.

Think stolen generation.

Think interracial relationships.

Think equality.

Think education disparity.

Think which hand you were allowed to write with.

Think sexuality, and the list goes on!

This was ‘normal’, and you kept the perception of yourself and your family in line according to what was acceptable by the Church and the society in which you lived.

However, behind closed doors there was often a different truth. A truth of pain and heartache. A truth of childhood trauma that had never been discussed and understood much less healed between two adults.

Two hurt adults who are hurting, who then had children and raised them according to what they knew and had learnt in life. You must work hard, be tough and never complain.

Two parents who were hurt, broken, abandoned, and searching for something within the other that only they had the answers for - but did not know it!

They had never been taught how to do the inner healing. How to forgive. How to connect back to themselves to be whole.

My parents were never given the opportunity to untangle and heal from all the pain and suffering they had experienced as children growing up. Living in such difficult and challenging circumstances and with parents who were also traumatised by their own family stories. They were therefore unable to raise their children (Me and my siblings) to be empowered adults, as they themselves were not.

This is not my parents’ fault. They did not have access to the information that I do now. They were not allowed to question as I am now. And they certainly did a better job than their parents did. But the sadness and unworthiness that I have lived with my whole life, is a result of the unhealed trauma that has been passed down to me through my parents. I then passed this onto my own son’s.

This is my greatest sadness, that I did not know then what I know now, and that I hurt my children as a consequence.

I now do know better and have the privilege of healing from this pain and trauma in my family tree.  On my journey I have learnt that the generational pain and trauma can be healed. We can free ourselves, our children, and our grandchildren from carrying the traumas of our grandparent’s oppression.

In my opinion the collective race of humanity has been oppressed through religion and government control. One day I will discuss my beliefs around that, but not today. The pain and suffering you live with today are often a direct result from the generational pain handed down in your family. Often with the root cause well and truly planted in religious or government oppression.

Thankfully, today you can seek support to heal family trauma that has been passed down, without the fear of stigmatism and judgement from society.

Often family trauma feels as though it is only your trauma, that no one else in your family struggles like you do. But, in my experience, it is all family trauma that you carry and each family member manages the trauma in a different way.

The one key lesson I have learnt along my healing journey - it is not about being helped by someone who knows more than you, rather it is a journey with someone who reminds you of what you already know about yourself, that you simply forgot.

My life’s purpose is to walk the journey with you too, so you can remember who you are. I am not better than you, I am on my own journey.  I want to walk with you to show you what I have learnt about me, as maybe it will resonate with you too.

Finally, I cannot help you learn anything knew, as you already know it. I am here to remind you of who you really are – a sovereign being who is beautiful and magnificent exactly as you are.

Contact me to start your own journey towards healing deidre@mybeautifulself.com.au

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